Repercussions
by autumnrose2010
Summary: Post Nemesis. Deanna Troi Riker of the U.S.S. Titan must counsel a new ensign with a devastating secret.
1. Matthew Part One

"Hello, Matthew. Please have a seat," Deanna Troi Riker told her newest patient. Matthew Berq was the most recent ensign aboard the _U.S.S. Titan, _of which Deanna's husband, William Riker, was the Captain. Matthew had medium brown hair and blue-grey eyes, and a round baby face that made him appear even younger than he was.

"Thank you, ma'am." Matthew smiled politely and did as Deanna had asked.

"How can I help you?" Deanna had glanced over the young man's files and found that he had arrived with a tentative diagnosis of mild depression with generalized anxiety. _Probably more homesickness than anything else, _she told herself. She had seen it many times before in new ensigns.

Matthew shrugged and smiled helplessly. Deanna sensed his mild discomfort and realized that he would need help with vocalizing his concerns.

"Why don't you tell me what brings you here," she said gently.

"Well, ma'am...you see, it's just that I feel like I don't really belong here. I'm different."

"What do you mean by that?"

"Well, it's hard for me to put into words. But you see, I've never really felt that I belonged anywhere. Not even in my own family."

"Why do you think you feel that way?"

"Well...I think it all began when I found out that my mother's husband wasn't my real father. That was pretty traumatic for me."

"That would be pretty traumatic for anyone, Matthew. How did you find out?"

"I needed a copy of my birth certificate to apply to Starfleet Academy. I knew where my mother kept all her important papers, so I asked for a key to her safe. 'That's all right. I'll just get it myself,' she told me quickly. The way she said it made me wonder if there was something in the safe that I wasn't supposed to see."

"I became very curious to know exactly what was in that safe besides my birth certificate. I watched to see where she put the key, and one day when she was out, I got my chance."

"I found an adoption certificate with both my mother's husband's name and my own name on it, except that my previous last name was listed as 'Roper', which was my mother's maiden name. When my mother returned, I confronted her with what I had found. I got her to admit that her husband had adopted me when I was two years old, that he wasn't my biological father."

Deanna felt an icy tingle run down her spine when she heard the surname 'Roper.'

"I asked her who my biological father was, but she wouldn't tell me his name. She said that it didn't matter because my adoptive father was my father now. I finally got the story out of her in bits and pieces over time. My biological father had been a Starfleet officer who had been on Betazed at the same time she and her father had been. He had accompanied her to the wedding of a friend in place of her father, and he had met another woman at the wedding and had been attracted to her, but she had broken his heart. Then he and my mother got drunk together and had a one-night stand. I was the result of that one-night stand. My father left Betazed right after that, and two years later, my mother married my stepfather."

By now Deanna's hands were shaking so badly that she was barely able to open Matthew's file and quickly glance at his birthdate once again.

"Your mother...her first name wouldn't happen to be Wendy, would it?"

Matthew was stunned. "You know my mother?"

"No...not exactly..."

Deanna could feel the blood drain from her face as she rested her head in her hands in an attempt to regain her composure. _Dear Lord, after all this time...why?_


	2. Matthew Part Two

"Ma'am, are you all right? Did I say something wrong?"

Matthew's voice brought Deanna back to the present. She felt the concern he had for her and was comforted by it.

"I'm so sorry, Matthew. It's just that...I've been having headaches off and on all day, and another one hit me just then."

"Would it be better if I just came back another day?"

"Oh no, Matthew, that's all right. I'll manage," Deanna said with a smile. It wouldn't be fair to Matthew to let her personal feelings interfere with her professional duties. "Now, where were we?"

"Um...you asked what my mother's name was."

"Oh yes. Well, forgive me for being intrusive, as that's none of my business, of course. Why don't you tell me about your relationship with your stepfather."

"It was fine until I learned the truth about him. He always treated me the same as my sister, although there were always things I wondered about. Like my stepdad, being Betazoid, he has telepathic and empathic powers, and my sister has them too, although not as strong as his, since our mother's human. But I never had them at all, and I always wondered why not, until I found out, and then of course it all made sense, since my mom told me that my real dad was human too."

"What's your relationship with your stepdad been like since you found out?"

"Well, I was really mad and bitter at him for a long time, because he had just let me think that I was really his son all that time and had never told me the truth. But then I thought about it and decided that maybe he didn't tell me because he was trying to protect me."

"Do you think it would have been easier for you if you had known the truth all along?"

Matthew shrugged. "Sometimes I think it would have been better if I had just left things alone and not secretly gotten into my mother's safe. Curiosity just got the better of me."

Deanna sighed. She felt genuinely sorry for Matthew, and also quite angry at the former Wendy Roper. Look what a mess she had made, and all because she had been horny...but of course, she couldn't put one hundred percent of the blame on Wendy...


	3. Headache

By the time Matthew's session was over, Deanna did in fact have a headache; one severe enough, in fact, that she canceled her appointments for the rest of the day and returned to her quarters, where she took a couple of pain killers and lay down. Unable to sleep, she dreaded the moment when Will would return home himself. What would she say to him? _Guess what, Will? I met your son today..._

No, she obviously couldn't bring the subject up that way. Yet she would have to say _something _to him, as he would realize right away that something was wrong. She would have to find a way to keep the anger and pain out of her voice, as she knew that that would only make him defensive.

To her surprise, Deanna did eventually manage to doze lightly, and the sound of Will entering their quarters startled her awake.

"Dee?" She was usually there to greet him when he arrived home. He began to walk from one room to another and finally found her lying on their bed, still slightly disoriented.

"Dee? What's wrong, hon?" His voice was soft with concern as he walked to where she lay and softly kissed her forehead.

"I've had a really bad headache all afternoon long," she moaned.

"Aww, poor baby." He sat beside her on the bed and began to gently rub her back. "Can I get you anything? Some soup, perhaps?"

"No, that's all right. I'm not hungry."

Will sat beside her rubbing her back for a little while longer, then gently kissed her forehead again and left the bedroom. She felt relief at his departure. Fortunately, he hadn't pried, so for all he knew, the headache _was _her only trouble, although she knew the reprieve was only temporary.

* * *

><p>Will gently closed the bedroom door and went about his business as quietly as possible for the rest of the evening. When he didn't see Deanna emerge from the bedroom even once, he became very concerned. Deanna wasn't generally prone to headaches, and when she did have one, it generally tended to pass within an hour or two. He wondered whether the headache was merely one symptom of something more serious.<p>

Eventually Will grew sleepy himself. He entered the bedroom and prepared for bed as gently and quietly as possible.

* * *

><p>Deanna felt the movement of the mattress as Will lay down beside her but gave no indication that she was still awake. <em>Coward, <em>she chided herself. She felt Will's arm tentatively encircle her body and gently hug her to himself. The warmth of his body was so comforting that she gently drifted back to sleep within a short time.


	4. The Next Day

Deanna awoke the following morning with her headache replaced by an extreme case of hyperactivity. Before Will had even awakened, she had cleaned the kitchen and bathroom and was working on the living room.

"Well, I'm certainly glad to see you're feeling better," Will laughed when he saw her.

Deanna looked up at him and the memory of the events of the previous day hit her like a ton of bricks. She just stared at him, not smiling, not saying anything.

Will knew right away that something serious was up, but not wanting to get into it at the beginning of a heavy work day, he simply kissed Deanna good-bye, giving her an extra gentle hug before leaving to start his day.

Deanna ate her lunch in her office that day and, to her relief, Will didn't come by to check on her. _You can't run away forever, _she told herself. _You're going to have to tell him eventually, and the longer you wait, the harder it's going to be._

Fortunately, Deanna was able to get involved enough in the concerns of her clients that she was able to temporarily forget her own. However, as each client left at ten to the hour and she looked up at the clock, her stomach clenched in dread of what she knew was now one hour closer.

At the end of the work day, Deanna took special care to ensure that her office was neat and perfectly well organized before she left. Every time she began to lock the door and return to her quarters, it seemed that there was one more thing that she needed to do.

Deanna was chopping vegetables in the kitchen when she heard Will enter that evening.

"Hi, sweetheart." He came to the kitchen and kissed her lips before going to sit in the living room to await what he knew was coming.

Deanna finished in the kitchen and joined him. He looked at her expectantly.

"I don't quite know how to say this, Will," she began. "But my newest client, Matthew Berq...he's your son, Will."

"No," Will whispered, a look of utter shock on his face.

Deanna nodded miserably. "His mother is Wendy Roper. It happened that time on Betazed, when my mother...tried to keep me away from you, and...and..." Deanna was choking up and couldn't finish the sentence.

"That's not possible." Will just kept shaking his head in disbelief. "She would have told me. Wendy would have told me if something like that had happened."

"Well, it seems that she didn't," Deanna said quietly.

"How did you find out?" Will asked.

"He told me that his mother told him that his father was a Starfleet officer who had accompanied her to a wedding. I checked his birthdate, Will. He was born not quite nine months after you left Betazed."

Will gave a low whisper. "Wow, that's incredible," he whispered. "Why didn't she tell me? I had the right to know."

"Well, how do you think _I _feel?" snapped Deanna.

"I know. I'm so sorry, Dee. Don't you realize I would have told you if I had only known?"

He went to her and put his arms around her in a comforting gesture, and she let him hold her.

"She should have told me." Deanna felt Will's anger. "I should have been there for him while he was growing up. I deserved the opportunity to have a relationship with him."

"It's not too late for that, you know," Deanna said softly. "He _is _on the same starship as you now."


	5. Dinner Invitation

"But how do I know that he would even want to meet me? Maybe he's angry that I wasn't there for him while he was growing up," Will said.

"I sensed no anger from him," Deanna told him.

"Well, how do I go about meeting him? I can't just go up to him and say,'Hi, I'm your father.'"

"How about if I ask him at our next meeting how he would feel about meeting you? If he's receptive, I could tell him that I know who his father is and that I could arrange for him to meet you, if he'd like," Deanna suggested.

Will smiled for the first time since the conversation had begun. "You're terrific, Dee," he said softly, caressing her cheek. "Thanks for being so kind and understanding about this. I know it must have come as a terrible shock to you."

"Matthew is my client. It would be very unprofessional of me to allow my personal feelings to interfere with his treatment."

"Still..." Will's voice trailed off as he grinned and shook his head. "Are you all right, Dee?"

"I'm fine. Don't worry about me. Are _you _all right?"

He laughed softly. "Ah, I'm not really sure. I don't think my mind has really had time to fully process all of this yet."

Will wanted to make love that night, and to Deanna's surprise, she found herself not only willing, but eager. Visions of that long-ago day at Jalara Falls interspersed with images of Will and Wendy together to somehow fuel her libido immensely. She didn't understand why, but she was more receptive to Will's overtures than she had been in a very long time. Will seemed surprised but delighted at her response.

* * *

><p>Deanna began Matthew's next session by asking him how he would feel about meeting his biological father.<p>

"Well...sure, I think that would be great. I mean, I _am _curious about him, and all. But how would I find him when I don't even know what his name is?"

"I know who he is, Matthew, and what's more, he's right here on this starship."

Matthew's mouth dropped open in shock. "How do you know who he is?"

"Remember how you told me that he had escorted your mother to a wedding, and that he had met another woman there? Well, I'm the woman he met at the wedding."

Matthew was puzzled. "But how do you know it was the same guy, and the same wedding?"

"As soon as you told me your mother's name, I knew."

"Oh, gosh, no wonder you acted so funny after I told you my mother's name!"

"Yes, and I apologize for that. It was very unprofessional of me."

"So are you saying that you got back in touch with this guy after he and my mother...you know..."

"Actually, I'm married to him now." Deanna gave a small smile.

Matthew turned very pale. "Are you saying that you're my biological father's wife?"

Deanna nodded.

"Oh, no!" Matthew said in a small voice. He covered his face with his hands, refusing to look at her. Deanna felt his distress and felt sad for him. She put a gentle hand on his arm.

"Please don't feel badly, Matthew. It's not your fault at all."

Eventually Matthew did look back up at her, his eyes full of tears. "Does he know about me?"

Deanna nodded. "I told him the day after our last session."

"And what did he say?"

"He wants to meet you, Matthew."

"Um...well, what's his name?"

"William Riker."

Matthew turned pale again. "As in...the _Captain?"_

"That's right."

"My God..." Matthew whispered, staring at the floor. Words seemed to have escaped him.

"So, would you like to meet him?" Deanna asked gently.

"Well, I actually already have, of course, briefly, when I first came aboard as an ensign..."

"But neither of you knew then."

"You can sure say that again." Matthew laughed curtly. Deanna was silent, waiting for his response.

"Um, what were you thinking of?" Matthew finally asked.

"Would you like to come to our quarters for dinner tomorrow evening?"

"I...ah...gosh, that's awfully nice of you..."

"Is six o'clock good for you?"

"Ah...sure, six o'clock's fine. Does he know that you were planning on inviting me?"

"No, but I'll talk with him about it this evening. I'm sure it'll be fine."

"Well, great." Matthew grinned. "I'll be looking forward to it then."

"You take care, Matthew, and have a wonderful day."

"You too, Counselor Troi. Um...am I still supposed to call you that?"

"Of course, Matthew. That's fine."

"All right. Take care, and thanks for the invitation."

"No problem at all, Matthew."

As she prepared for her next client, Deanna wondered what in the world she should serve her newly found stepson for dinner the following evening.


	6. Father And Son Reunion

The following evening, Will paced restlessly while Deanna sat serenely, both of them waiting eagerly for the chime of the door that they knew was coming.

"Ah, you get it." Will grinned sheepishly when it finally came.

Rolling her eyes, Deanna opened the door to see Matthew dressed to the nines and rocking nervously from one foot to the other.

"Hello, Matthew. Please come in and meet the Captain."

"Pleased to meet you, Matthew." Will shook Matthew's hand.

"Pleased to meet you as well, sir." Matthew grinned nervously.

"How's your mother doing?" Will asked.

"She's fine, as is the rest of the family."

"Do you have any brothers and sisters?"

"I have a sister, Allison. She's five years younger than me."

"That's nice."

Deanna had set the table while they were talking, and now it was time to sit down and eat.

"What about my grandparents? Are they still alive?" Matthew asked.

"Your grandmother's name was Betty, and she died when I was two years old. Your grandfather's name was Kyle, and he was killed by a disruptor blast in 2379."

"Do I have any uncles and aunts?"

"Well, sort of." Will chuckled.

"Sort of?"

"He calls himself Thomas Riker. He was created as a result of a transporter accident in 2361. He's my genetic double, so in a way you could say he's my identical twin brother, although I was raised as an only child and he was already an adult when he came into being."

"Sort of like Adam and Eve?"

"I guess you could say that." Will laughed. "I see you have some knowledge of the Jewish and Christian religions."

"My mom was raised as a Christian on Earth. She went to church when she was a little girl. She used to tell Allison and me Bible stories when we were little."

"Interesting. She never mentioned that to me."

Will glanced briefly at Deanna, who forced a smile. He knew that it was time to change the subject.

"So what made you decide to join Starfleet?" he asked Matthew.

"The stories my grandfather used to tell. He was a Starfleet officer for many years."

After dinner, Will and Matthew talked at length about their respective childhoods, and Will got out his family album and shared photos of himself when he was younger and various family members with Matthew. Deanna sat in a chair nearbv feeling somewhat left out until Will grinned at her and patted the sofa beside where he was sitting.

Lost in nostalgia, Will barely noticed the passage of time and was startled when he finally discovered how late it truly was.

"It was wonderful to meet you, Matthew. Please come again any time you want, and if you ever need anything, please don't hesitate to ask," Will told Matthew as he showed him to the door.

"Thank you, sir, I mean...what am I supposed to call you? I already call my stepfather 'Dad', and 'Captain Riker' just seems too formal somehow."

"Just call me Will. That would be fine."

"All right. Good night, Will and Counselor Troi. Thanks again for inviting me over."

* * *

><p>That night, Deanna couldn't stop thinking about how much Matthew reminded her of Will as he had been when she had first met him. Besides bearing a strking resemblance to his father, his speech, his mannerisms, and many other things about him reminded her eerily of how Will had been as a young man. What would things have been like if she and Will had stayed together from the time they had met on Betazed on? She felt profoundly sad as she thought of all the wasted years...all the missed opportunities they had had, both before and after meeting again on the <em>Enterprise...<em>all the time they could have spent together, rather than apart...

Trying her best not to disturb Will, Deanna silently slipped out of bed and made her way to the sofa, where she sat down and cried her heart out. Within minutes she felt strong arms around her, hugging her closely to a warm softness. She should have known better than to think that she could hide her distress from him.

When she awakened, she found that she was back in bed and it was late in the morning, very late. Panicked, she struggled to disentangle herself from the bedsheets.

"My God, look at the time!" she exclaimed.

Will, who suddenly appeared right beside the bed, laughed softly. "Relax, Dee. I've had the secretary postpone all your appointments for the day. You deserve a day off, Imzadi. I've also left my first officer in charge so that I can be here to pamper you, starting with hot cocoa and chocolate chip pancakes in bed."

Deanna was startled at first, then collapsed into giggles. "You mean we're both playing hooky today?"

"That's right." Will had already brought the tray with their breakfast on it into the bedroom.

After breakfast, Will asked her how she'd like to spend the day.

"How about a beach scene on the holodeck," she suggested.

"Which beach on which planet?"

"Um...how about Risa?"

"Whatever your heart desires, my love..."

* * *

><p>Deanna found herself actually looking forward to Matthew's next session. Both his depression and his anxiety had drastically improved since he had learned the truth about his biological father, which led Deanna to believe that that may have been his major issue in the first place.<p>

"My next hour's client cancelled on me, so I have a bit of free time," Deanna told Matthew at the end of his session. "How'd you like to have a drink with me in the lounge?"

"Sure." Matthew grinned.

Fifteen minutes later, they were both seated in the lounge with bottles of flavored water in front of them. As they chatted, Deanna began to feel that she had literally stepped back in time twenty years.

"Do you have a girlfriend, Matthew?" she asked.

"Well, no, not really." He grinned again. "Why, do you know someone who'd like to meet me?"

_Yes, as a matter of fact I do...her name is Deanna Troi and she's eighteen years old...at least, she would be if I could only turn back time..._


	7. Hunger

_This is just crazy, _Deanna told herself as she returned to her office for her next appointment. _He's young enough to be my son, and besides, I'm _married, _for Christ's sake..._

Yet she couldn't shake the feeling of euphoria that the time shared with Matthew had brought out, and she found herself whistling a happy tune when Will entered their quarters that evening.

"Someone's sure in a good mood this evening," he remarked with a smile.

The sound of her husband's voice jarred Deanna back to reality, and a rush of guilt came upon her as she glanced at him with a serious expression on her face.

"Sorry to have spoiled it." Will chuckled uncertainly.

"That's all right," Deanna said quietly.

"You're so quiet tonight. Is something wrong?" Will asked her later, over dinner.

"No, everything's fine."

"Today was the day of Matthew's session, wasn't it?" he asked gently.

She nodded. Will's hand moved to cover her own and squeeze it.

Later that evening Deanna gave in to the urge to take out some old photos of herself and Will on Betazed from twenty years or so previously and look at them.

"What are you looking at, hon?" Will asked casually as he strolled into the bedroom.

"Remember this?" Deanna showed him the photo that she was currently looking at. She and Will were both dressed in swimsuits, and Will was holding her. Both of them had wide grins on their faces. It was a picture of perfect innocence, full of wonder and hope.

"Indeed I do," Will said amiably.

"We were both so young then," Deanna said wistfully. She noticed the white hairs in Will's beard and knew that her own head held white hairs as well.

"Young and foolish," Will said a bit ruefully. "Not you, my dear, but me. Foolish enough to let you get away. That'll sure never happen again." He gave her a quick hug.

Deanna looked at the photo some more, noticing what a striking resemblance the Will of twenty years ago bore to the Matthew of today. To her it felt as if a knife had just stabbed right through her heart. Suddenly she felt intensely jealous of Wendy. Wendy had carried Will's child within her body, had felt its every move, had experienced the wonder of giving birth and seen the result of her own genes melded with Will's to form an entirely new individual.

"I want to have your baby, Will." Deanna's voice was so soft that it was almost a whisper.

"Right now, you mean?" Will laughed gently in surprise.

"Yes. I'm not getting any younger, you know."

"Well, I don't think there's any cause for panic where that's concerned." Will was obviously amused. "Of course, I'd love to have a child with you, Dee. But don't you think that we should at least talk about it first?"

"If you and I both want it, then what's there to talk about?"

Will shook his head in disbelief. "This just seems so...sudden. Are you sure that you really want to try, right now?"

"I'm absolutely positive. Please?"

Will laughed, then gathered her tenderly into his arms and carried her to their bed.


	8. Disappointment

Deanna was in a good mood. Her last session of the day had just ended, and the next day was her day off. She knew that Will had the day off as well and looked forward to spending some quality time with him.

Will heard her singing to herself as he entered their quarters and smiled to himself, thinking about how happy he would be to see her after a long day of hard work. He stood in the doorway of the kitchen for a few moments, just enjoying the sight of her bustling about, then stepped up behind her and enveloped her in a bear hug.

"Imzadi," he whispered into her hair as he kissed the top of her head.

"Hello, Will." She turned to kiss his mouth. "How was your day?"

"Rough." He laughed. "I sure am glad to be home."

"We both have tomorrow off. So...would you like to spend the day on the holodeck or take a day of shore leave?"

"Oh, Deanna, I'm so sorry. I've already promised Matthew that I would spend some quality father-and-son time with him tomorrow, just the two of us. You know, to kind of start making up for all the time together we missed out on while he was growing up. I know, how about if I take you somewhere special for dinner tomorrow night? You can choose the place. Anywhere you want is fine. That restaurant that serves the Betazoid delicacies you miss so much, perhaps?"

Deanna could feel tears of disappointment stinging in her eyes. "That's fine, Will," she said quietly.

Will saw how disappointed she was and gave her a reassuring hug. "The next time I have a day off, I'll devote the entire day to you. I promise."

"All right."

* * *

><p>She was in the lounge the following week when she heard her name being called and turned to see Matthew beckoning to her. An attractive dark-haired girl sat beside him.<p>

"Counselor Troi, this is Amy," Matthew said. The dark-haired girl smiled at Deanna, and Deanna smiled back.

"Amy, this is Couselor Deanna Troi. She's my biological father's wife," Matthew continued.

Just then the waitress brought Matthew and Amy's drinks.

"Will you have anything?" Mattew asked Deanna.

"Just water is fine," Deanna replied.

Matthew put his arm around Amy, and Amy laid her head on Matthew's shoulder. Deanna felt unaccountably sad.

* * *

><p>Deanna was optimistic. Her period was two days late, and while she knew that it was still much too early for symptoms of early pregnancy to appear, neither had she experienced the symptoms that generally signaled that her period was about to begin.<p>

"You seem awfully cheerful today," Will remarked. "Any special reason?"

"Perhaps." Deanna smiled mysteriously.

Will looked startled for just a moment, and then a broad smile began to creep across his face. "You mean...?"

"Could be."

Will laughed happily and gently hugged her. "That's terrific, honey!"

Deanna's good mood quickly turned to dismay when, later that same day, she found evidence that her period had started, after all. Will heard her sobs from the other side of the bathroom door and became concerned.

"Deanna? What's wrong, hon?"

Deanna opened the bathroom door and stepped out. "It didn't happen," she sobbed.

"Oh, Dee." Will took her into his arms and tenderly embraced her, stroking her hair as she sobbed.

"I should have known that it was too much to hope for," she muttered.

"Oh, Dee, this is only the first month we've tried. It does take more than just one month sometimes, you know. Don't feel so sad. It'll happen soon. I know it will."

"It happened right away for Wendy Roper, and she wasn't even trying," Deanna said bitterly.

Will sighed. "Please, Deanna, let's not talk about that. It's ancient history. Let's just concentrate on ourselves and our future. All right?"

_It may be ancient history to you, but the evidence that it happened is still here, _Deanna thought to herself, but she didn't say anything.


	9. Back Aboard The Enterprise

**Six Months Later**

"Of course, Deanna. There's always a place for you on the _Enterprise," _Jean-Luc Picard told his former starship counselor. "It does sadden me, however, that the situation between yourself and Will has gotten to this point. You two seemed so happy together at your wedding, and I honestly thought that you had resolved all of your issues."

"Well...a couple more issues have come up recently," Deanna said. "I still love Will, and I don't want to divorce him. It's just that I've had to face several stress factors lately, and I think I need some time on my own to deal with them."

At first it felt strange to be back aboard the _Enterprise, _especially with Will, Beverly, and Data no longer there. _Data. _The memory of the beloved android brought tears to Deanna's eyes. She had known him since first coming aboard the _Enterprise _as its counselor, and it was just so hard to believe that he was really gone forever. The more primitive android, B4, did his best to fill Data's shoes, Deanna knew, but although he did possess all of Data's memories, he still wasn't really Data, at least not to her.

Picard's new first officer, Commander Martin Madden, was tall, although not as tall as Will. He also had dark brown hair and blue eyes like Will, but he was clean-shaven. He greeted her warmly and seemed eager to be of assistance.

As the _Enterprise _already had a full-time counselor, Deanna would serve as her back-up, filling in for her on vacation and sick days. In addition, Picard had kindly carved out a place for her updating medical and psychiatric files.

The first few days of this were busy enough to keep Deanna's mind off of her troubles. However, later in the week, Deanna was eating lunch in Ten Forward when a heavy depression suddenly descended upon her and, without warning, she burst into tears.

A moment later she sensed a feeling of warmth and caring, felt a soft hand on her shoulder, and looked up into the concerned eyes of Martin Madden.

"Can I be of assistance in any way?" he asked.

"Oh, never mind me. I'm just having a pity party." Deanna tried to laugh.

"If there's anything you'd like to talk about, I'm willing to listen." Madden sat in the seat opposite Deanna's.

"Thank you, Commander Madden."

"Please, call me Marty."

"All right." Deanna smiled. "I really don't know where to start."

"Well, the logical place would be at the beginning." They both laughed.

"I suppose a good place to start would be about six months ago. That was when I found out that one of my clients was my husband's biological son."

"Whew!" Marty whistled through his teeth.

"I found out his mother's name and remembered that she had been an old flame of Will's. Then I looked up my client's birthdate and did the math. He was born almost exactly nine months after his mother's fling with Will."

"That would narrow it down a bit. So, how did Will take the news?"

"Well, he was shocked at first, of course. But after the shock wore off, he was...happy. He got this idea that he should spend as much time as he could with Matthew to help make up for all the time he wasn't there when Matthew was growing up. I began to feel neglected and lonely, but I was afraid to say anything to Will because he tends to get so defensive about anything having to do with Matthew."

"Matthew has a serious girlfriend now, so of course he doesn't spend as much time with Will as he did before. You'd think that would be a good thing, but...you see, I've been wanting very badly to get pregnant for a few months now, but so far, nothing's happened. I'm so afraid that I waited too late to start trying and I might not be fertile anymore. The last time I got my period I was so depressed that I cried all day. Will said that he was tired of seeing me sad so much of the time and that maybe we should just give up and consider adoption. I flew into a rage and told him that I wanted a baby from my own body, that he already had a child from his own body so he couldn't possibly understand how I felt. He looked at me as if I'd just slapped him. That was when I realized that I needed some time apart from him."

An awkward silence followed, broken finally by Marty.

"You know, Counselor Troi..."

"Please, call me Deanna."

"Deanna." Marty smiled kindly. "I don't mean to sound as if I'm trying to give you advice, but I've heard of situations before where an infertile couple adopted a child and then the wife got pregnant very soon afterwards. Some of them had been infertile for years."

"I appreciate your trying to help," Deanna told him. "But I feel that a child should be wanted for itself, not just as a means of getting the child you really want. And besides, I don't think that I could ever love the adopted child as much as I would a child of my own."

Marty shrugged. "It was just a thought."

Suddenly something occurred to Deanna. "Are you married, Marty?"

"Not yet." He grinned. "I'm still holding out for the right one."

"Any kids?"

He shook his head.

"None that you know of anyway, right?" she teased him.

He laughed heartily. "Definitely, positively no kids. I'm not the type to throw caution to the wind, Deanna."

_Unlike some people I could mention, _Deanna wanted to say, but didn't.


	10. Hearing From Will

Deanna's conversation with Marty lightened her heart for the rest of the day, and she even found herself singing as she went about her duties later.

That evening after dinner Will contacted Deanna on the viewscreen. At the sight of his face, Deanna felt a stab of longing mixed with sadness.

"Are you all right, Dee?"

"Yes, everything's fine. I'm still working as a counselor part-time, and Jean-Luc has also assigned some clerical work to help keep me busy. How are you, Will?"

"Busy as usual. Planning to investigate a new planet that has just been discovered soon. A few equipment updates and personnel changes to take care of first." Will's voice lowered. "I miss you, Dee."

Deanna didn't know what to say. She missed the happier times that she had previously shared with Will so badly that she ached, yet she was so relieved to be out from under the cloud of gloom that had seemed to be perpetually hanging over her head for the last few weeks before she had left the _Titan _that she couldn't truthfully say that she missed that period.

"How's Matthew?" she asked.

"Oh." Will shook his head and laughed softly. "Would you believe that he's coming to me for advice on his relationship with Amy? He's certainly fallen hard for her. He seems to be so much more serious and mature than I was at his age. I wouldn't be a bit surprised if those two ended up getting married soon."

Deanna smiled weakly. "Has he met her parents?"

"Not in person yet, but he's spoken to them via viewscreen. Both human, both Starfleet officers themselves. They both liked him instantly, and I can imagine they'll get along very well together when they do finally meet in person. I'm very happy for both Matthew and Amy."

"That's nice." Deanna felt a sudden intense anger at her mother. She just couldn't help wondering how differently her life might have turned out if only Lwaxana hadn't interfered so much in her affairs when she had been younger.

"Look, Deanna, I know that things have been kind of rough lately, but it just isn't the same without you here. Our bed is so cold and empty at night, and I'm so lonely that it hurts. I love you more than I can say, Dee, and whenever you feel that you're ready to come back, please remember that I'm here waiting for you with open arms."

Deanna felt hot tears behind her eyelids threatening to flow, but she didn't want Will to see her cry. "Good-bye, Will," she said. After he was gone, she cried until there were no more tears left.

* * *

><p>The next day, Deanna had selected her meal and was looking for a place to sit down when she saw Marty Madden sitting alone at a table in Ten Forward. His eyes met hers and he smiled warmly. She smiled back at him and made her way to his table.<p>

"I heard from Will last night," she told him.

"Oh?"

"He told me he's lonely and that he wants me to come back."

Marty was silent, waiting for her to continue.

"He thinks that Matthew and his girlfriend Amy may be going to get married soon."

"How do you feel about that?" Marty asked quietly.

"Will was about the age Matthew is now when we first fell in love," Deanna said. "My mother discouraged the relationship because Will was in Starfleet, as my father had been. I listened to her and broke things off with Will. That was what drove him into Matthew's mother's arms. She had been wanting him for a long time, and when she saw her chance, she took it. She got him drunk and took advantage of him, but he let her do it. I changed my mind and decided to defy my mother, but when I went back to Will to apologize, I found the two of them together naked in bed."

"That must have really hurt."

Deanna nodded. "I just can't help thinking that if only I hadn't listened to my mother at first, then perhaps Will and I would have stayed together from then on, and I might would be Matthew's mother instead of Wendy."

Marty sighed and looked at her sympathetically. "However much we might would love to, Deanna, we simply can't go back and change the past and have things turn out differently. The past is over and done with."

"I know," Deanna said sadly.

"I don't mean to get all philosophical on you, but did you ever think that perhaps things happen for a purpose, that maybe they happen because they were meant to happen? For instance, perhaps you and Will weren't meant to have gotten married sooner, that if you had, it mightn't have worked out at all."

"Well, things sure aren't working out very well now!"

Marty sighed. "Perhaps instead of dwelling so much on the past, which can't be changed, you should focus on the present and the future instead. Maybe there's a reason for you to be where you are now at this time, and sometime in the future, you'll be able to look back and see that it had to be that way."

"So perhaps there's a reason for me to be here on the _Enterprise _at this time, that maybe it's where I'm meant to be?"

"Exactly!"

"Wow, Marty, that's pretty deep!"

Marty laughed. "Perhaps I'm right, perhaps not. Either way, it's one way of helping yourself to cope with situations that you can't understand."

"You know what, Marty? Maybe you should have been a counselor as well. Who knows, you might have even made a better one than me."

Marty laughed again. "Hardly. But I hope that I at least made you feel better about the situation."

"You did, Marty. Thank you very much."

"No problem at all, Dee. It was a pleasure." Marty reached across the table and squeezed her hand, and she smiled.

It was not too much later that the _Enterprise _was contacted by the _Titan _once again, only this time it wasn't Will's face Deanna saw on the viewscreen. Instead it was that of his first officer, Christine Vale.

"Captain Riker is seriously ill," she said. "While visiting a newly discovered planet, he encountered a toxic life form that injected its venom into his leg. He's unconscious, but his vital signs are still stable, at least for now. Medical personnel are doing everything they can to rid his body of the venom, but so far nothing has been successful."

"I'll be there right away," Deanna said. _Dear God, please don't let Will die, _she prayed.


	11. Keeping Vigil

Deanna beamed back aboard the _Titan _immediately and, filled with trepidation, quickly made her way to sickbay. Anxious to see Will, but dreading the state in which she might find him, she sped along the corridor, almost bumping into someone coming from the opposite direction. She arrived to find Will lying in a bed connected to an I.V. and various monitors. He looked as if he were sleeping naturally, but she knew better. She crept to his side and gently covered one of his hands with her own.

"Imzadi?" she whispered. There was no response. In her mind, Deanna was transported back in time to an incident that had happened years before, while they both had been serving aboard the _Enterprise. _Will and Geordi had been investigating an uncharted planet when an unknown life form had attacked Will and injected microbes into his leg. Dr. Pulaski had had to stimulate the neurons in his brain to save them from being destroyed by the vicious microbes. Now Deanna felt as if she were being forced to relive one of her worst nightmares.

"Deanna! I'm so glad you're here." Deanna heard the voice of Dr. Shenti Yisec Eres Ree, the _Titan's _chief medical officer. Dr. Ree was a member of the Pahkwa-thanh, a dinosaur-like, reptilian race. Despite his somewhat frightening appearance, he was an excellent physician.

"I've done all that I can for him," Dr. Ree continued. "The rest is up to him. If his will to survive is strong enough, I believe he has a chance."

"Oh, Will, I'm so sorry," Deanna cried as she looked pleadingly into her unconscious husband's face. "All those issues between us, they were just so petty, by comparison to this. Why, oh why didn't I try harder to get past my own selfish feelings for the sake of my marriage? Oh Will, if you die, I'll never forgive myself..." She lay her head on Will's chest and sobbed.

"Please don't be so hard on yourself, Deanna." Deanna felt a comforting hand on her shoulder and turned to look into Matthew's blue eyes. "You had no way of knowing that this was going to happen."

Deanna felt very awkward. How much did Matthew know of the nature of the marital troubles that had led her to return to the _Enterprise?_

"I"m glad you came back, Deanna," Matthew said softly. "He's really missed you."

"I know." Deanna choked back sobs. "I've been so self-absorbed lately, allowing myself to indulge in self pity to the point that I didn't quite see things rationally anymore."

"Well, you're here now, and that's what matters," Matthew continued. "If anyone can help him to come around, it's you."

"He was..._is..._my Imzadi," Deanna told Matthew. "Do you know what that means?"

"Yes, he explained it to me," Matthew said. "I think it's a beautiful concept. A very special bond." Matthew sighed deeply. "You know, it just seems so unfair. I only just met him, and now I might lose him forever."

"I lost my father when I was only seven," Deanna said softly. "He was investigating an old building on another planet and it collapsed on top of him. They weren't even able to recover his body."

"That's terrible," Matthew said. "I'm so sorry."

To her surprise, Deanna began to feel a special bond with Matthew, as if they were somehow united through shared experience. She, Matthew, and Amy spent many hours in silent vigil by Will's bedside. As she got to know Amy, she discovered that the young woman seemed remarkably similar to herself when she had been much younger. She even found them voicing the same thoughts on occasion.

One day Deanna thought she saw one of Will's pinkies move. The movement was so slight that at first she thought that it might have been merely her imagination, but a moment later, Will's eyelids fluttered, and then his eyes opened and looked directly into hers.

"Imzadi?" He sounded surprised but delighted.


	12. Reconciliation

"Yes, Will, it's me. I'm here." Tears of relief flowed down Deanna's face as she bent to kiss her husband.

"You're here," Will echoed.

"I'm so glad you're finally awake. I'd better let Dr. Ree know right away."

"Will you please bring me something to drink first?"

"Of course, Imzadi." Deanna brought a cup of water and held Will's head up so that he could drink through a straw. Then she went to fetch Dr. Ree.

Dr. Ree smiled, or at least Deanna guessed that it was the reptilian equivalent of a smile.

Dr. Ree gave Will a brief examination and asked how he felt.

"A little weak, but fine otherwise." Will looked at Deanna and grinned. "Better than fine, actually, as I just woke up to find the best medicine of all right here with me."

"Very well. However, I'd still prefer to keep you in sickbay for one more night, just as a precaution," Dr. Ree told him.

Will made a face in mock exasperation.

"The doctor knows what's best," Deanna said soothingly, stroking the hair back from Will's forehead. "I'll be right here with you, sweetheart."

"In that case it'll be appreciatively more bearable." Will grinned again.

* * *

><p>True to his word, Dr. Ree released Will from sickbay the following day. For someone who had just been so desperately ill, Will seemed surprisingly animated and upbeat as he and Deanna returned to their quarters.<p>

"You see, all I really needed was for my Imzadi to return to me," he told Deanna, who smiled in return and hugged him.

As soon as they were inside their quarters, Will picked Deanna up, carried her into the bedroom, and laid her on the bed.

"You don't know how long I've been waiting for this moment," he whispered lustily as he began to remove first her clothing and then his own.

Deanna gasped with pleasure as she felt him enter her, and as they moved together, the only thing she could think about was how much she loved him and how happy she was to be with him again.

Afterwards they cuddled contentedly, whispering endearments to one another.

"I can't begin to tell you how good it feels to finally hold you in my arms again," Will said.

"I was so frightened when Christine told me what had happened. I really was afraid that I'd never see you again." Deanna felt tears forming in her eyes as she choked back a sob.

"There, now." Will tenderly kissed Deanna's tears away as he hugged her even more tightly. "It's all over with, and everything's just fine."

"What bothered me more than anything else, Will, is that I might never again have had the chance to tell you how much I love you."

Will chuckled softly. "It's all right, Imzadi. I know that we've been through some rough patches lately, but I never once doubted your love."

"You know what, Will? I think it took what just happened to make me realize that even if we never do have a child together, it'll be all right, because we'll still have one another."

"I've realized that all along." Will laughed.

"I love you so much, Dee."

"I love you too, Will."

Just then they heard the door buzzer and jumped, startled.

"Now who in the world could that be," Will mused as they both struggled to find their clothing and get dressed.

At the door they were met with a quietly smiling Matthew and a positively jubilant Amy. Amy took one look at them and instantly grew more subdued. "I hope this isn't a bad time," she said hesitantly.

"Not at all," Will assured her.

"I'm just so excited that I had to show you both right away!" Amy continued, extending her left hand so that Will and Deanna could see the diamond ring that Matthew had placed on it just moments before.


	13. New Developments

"Deanna! What's wrong?" Marty Madden's voice was soft with concern as he gazed into her face, which was streaked with tears.

"It's all over between Will and me," Deanna sobbed.

"What?"

He had to wait a few seconds while she composed herself enough to continue speaking.

"It...it happened at Matthew and Amy's wedding. Wendy and all her family were there, of course, as well as all of Amy's family. During the reception I felt a headache coming on and went back to our quarters to get some medicine. When I got to our bedroom, I saw Wendy sitting on our bed, wearing nothing but her bra and underwear. The door to the closet was partially open, and I could see Will inside dressed in only _his _underwear. That was all I needed to see. I left the reception and returned to the _Enterprise _as quickly as I could. I can't go back there. I can never face that man again after what he's done."

"Well, has it ever occurred to you that perhaps you jumped to conclusions, that there might just be a logical explanation for what you saw other than a sexual encounter between Will and Wendy?" Marty asked.

"Like _what?" _Deanna snapped.

"Well...I don't know. You've got me there. But just because _I _can't think of one doesn't mean that there _isn't_ one."

"You know what it is? It's because they have a child together! Since Matthew is a part of each of them, they'll always be bonded to each other through him. If not for Matthew, there would have been no wedding, so there would have been nothing to have brought them back together, so...so _this _wouldn't have happened."

"There, now." Marty held Deanna and comforted her. "I know that right now you're pretty upset, but once you've had the chance to calm down and think about it, I'm sure you'll feel better."

"I'll _never _feel better," Deanna moaned. "How _could _he?"

Marty continued to hold her, stroking her hair and whispering comforting words. _How nice it feels to be held by Marty. _The thought came to her with a start, and just as quickly, a wave of guilt arose to counter it. But after all, what was allowing herself to be consoled by Marty in comparison with what Will and Wendy had surely done together?

Deanna was too upset to eat at all for the rest of that day, and as she also felt extremely tired, she went to bed early as well. The next morning, she was amazed to discover that she had slept in until ten o'clock, and what was more, she _still _felt tired and groggy, rather than refreshed as she normally would have. She also found that, rather than being ravenous as she normally was when sleeping in late, she actually felt queasy at the thought of breakfast.

"Are you all right, Deanna?" Marty asked when he saw her. "You look a little peaked."

"I'm fine. Just a little under the weather," Deanna answered bravely.

Deanna knew that her period was a couple of weeks late but, afraid of getting her hopes up, she had chalked it up to hormonal fluctuations due to the stress of the wedding preparations. But now, with the appearance of additional symptoms, she wondered whether it might not be worth taking a test, if for no other reason than simply to rule out the improbable.

Deanna was also puzzled and deeply hurt that Will had made no attempt to contact her since she had returned to the _Enterprise. _Was he so involved with his rekindled romance with Wendy that he had simply failed to notice that his wife was no longer aboard the _Titan?_

Suddenly, she simply _had _to know whether or not it was really true. She knew that a simple test in sickbay could give her a definite answer one way or the other, so that was where she went.

Later that day, she finally heard from Will via viewscreen.


	14. Good News

"Deanna! What are you doing back on the _Enterprise? _I've been worried sick about you!" Will exclaimed.

"Really? I thought that you were too busy with Wendy to even notice that I was gone," Deanna said curtly.

"I have no idea what you're talking about, Dee." Will looked baffled. "The reason I didn't contact you before now is that I've been very ill with an intestinal virus. It started at Matthew and Amy's reception. I suddenly felt sick and didn't even have time to excuse myself before I threw up all over my clothes. Wendy happened to be standing nearby, and it splashed all over her dress, too. I had to take her back to our quarters for clean clothes. I knew you wouldn't mind loaning her one of your dresses temporarily, given the circumstances."

The reality of the situation hit Deanna all of a sudden, flooding her with a mixture of relief and shame.

"So that's what happened!" she exclaimed.

"What do you mean?" Will was puzzled.

"When I went into our quarters that day and saw Wendy sitting on our bed in just her bra and underwear, I thought...I thought..." Deanna began stammering and couldn't finish.

"You thought that Wendy and I were having sex?" Will asked incredulously.

"Well...yes. That was what it looked like to me," Deanna mumbled miserably.

"Oh, Dee." Will laughed softly. "You _do _have quite an imagination."

"So that was all it was," Deanna whispered.

"That was all it was. I swear on my mother's grave," Will replied. Will's mother had actually been cremated and the ashes had been sprinkled, but Deanna saw no need to mention that fact. "So, now that that little misunderstanding has been cleared up, will you come back home now?"

"As soon as I can. I have something important to tell you as well, but I want to wait and tell you in person."

* * *

><p>"A baby!" Will's face registered first surprise, then joy. "Wow!" He laughed, hugged Deanna tightly, then looked into her eyes. "A baby!" he repeated, as if he had to say it twice to make himself really believe it.<p>

Deanna nodded, tears streaming down her smiling face.

"Oh, Deanna!" Will whispered, covering his wife's face with kisses. "When did you find out?"

"Right before I talked to you. I went to sickbay on the _Enterprise."_

"Deanna, I am just so happy. We've both been wanting this for such a long time."

"I know we have. I'm happy too, Will."

He took her hand and began to walk back to their quarters with her. "Do you feel all right?" he asked her.

"Sure, I'm fine. Maybe just a bit drowsier than usual."

"I'm going to take good care of you. Both of you." He gently lifted her chin, brushed a stray hair back from her face, and kissed her lips.

As she lay cuddled in bed with Will that night, his arm around her holding her extra close, Deanna thought about how nice it felt to be back home and in the arms of the man she loved.


	15. Epilogue

**One Year Later**

"She's just so precious," Amy commented, watching Deanna hand her daughter, Kestra, a rattle. "I can't wait until my own gets here."

Will and Deanna's daughter, Kestra Elizabeth Troi Riker, was five months old. She had been named 'Kestra' for Deanna's sister who had drowned at the age of seven and 'Elizabeth' for Will's mother. Kestra was a beautiful baby, with dark brown hair like both her parents, big chocolate brown eyes like her mother, and a dimple in her chin like her father.

"It seems funny that Kestra will be our baby's aunt, although she'll only be about a year older," Matthew remarked. Amy was about three months pregnant, and she and Matthew were both very excited and happy to be starting a family.

"I think it's wonderful that Kestra will have a playmate near her own age," Will said.

Deanna smiled adoringly at her young daughter, who put the rattle in her mouth and gummed it. "To me she's such a miracle. Every time I look at her, I can hardly believe she's really mine."

Kestra had seemed to do much toward healing the rift between her parents that had begun when they had learned the truth about Matthew's parentage. Willl had lovingly supported Deanna through her somewhat difficult pregnancy and had been present for Kestra's birth. Deanna's labor had been long and painful, and Will had been there with her for the entire time, rubbing her back, coaching her, offering her ice chips to suck on. The experience had strengthened the bond between Will and Deanna, and they had grown closer than they had ever been before. Deanna had at last come to feel secure in Will's love once again.

Although it had been somewhat disconcerting for Deanna when Amy had announced her own pregnancy, and a bit of the old rivalry and insecurity had returned, Deanna had done her best to put it behind her and feel genuinely happy for them. Will, of course, had been thrilled at the prospect of becoming a grandfather.

"I feel exactly the same as you do," Will said in response to Deanna's most recent statement. "Although I do feel a bit sad that I wasn't there for Matthew when he was Kestra's age, like I should have been."

"That's all right. You'll be there for our baby. That's what's important," Matthew told him.

Deanna felt just a twinge of jealousy, which she hid with a smile. "Both our babies will have plenty of people who love them," she said as she cuddled Kestra, who chortled with glee.


End file.
